Hold Me Tight
by Achu-chan
Summary: A mysterious shadow somehow sneaks its way out of Dean's dreams and Sam disappears within its darkness. Castiel is there for Dean, but with Dean drunk most of the time, what is the Angel to do? (more to be added) Rated for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1: Gone

**Chapter One**

 **Gone**

* * *

Dean's eyes snapped open as the alarm blared on the bedside table. His lean torso shot up as his arm shot out to hit the alarm across the room. He let out a growl as his eyes adjusted, his body in fight or flight mode. His pupils still dilated, they scanned the room, looking for the dark shadow that plagued his dreams. As his breath steadied, he realized that the figure hadn't followed him out of his dreams, though he wished it would. Death's sweet embrace would be better than any of this right now.

He threw the covers off of his body, legs swinging around so his feet sat flat on the carpeted floor. His hands came up, heels digging into his eye sockets, making bright lights dance across his eyelids. His mind was no longer racing, but it was still in shock from all that had happened in the past several days. He wasn't dealing well with it. Really, he wasn't dealing at all. He didn't even have anyone to talk to at the moment since he had no idea where Cas had flown off to. _'Cas,'_ he thought, _'I really need you, buddy.'_ But, there was no sound of wings in the one bed hotel. The small space was making him claustrophobic now.

* * *

 _"Sammy?" Silence. "Sammy?!"_

 _There was no sound, just pure darkness. There wasn't even the echo of his screaming. Dean and Sam had stumbled into an abandoned warehouse hoping to track down this mysterious shadow like creature that seemed to pop up everywhere they went. Having just stepped in, they didn't realize how dark it would be. Any light that seemed to come in was instantly swallowed by the deep, deafening darkness._

 _Just like Sam…_

* * *

Dean stood up, stumbling over to the dining area where a bottle of scotch sat on the table, seeming to call his name. He pulled the top out of the bottle and pressed the cool glass to his lips. He then turned the bottle straight up, letting the golden liquid pour down his parched throat, burning all the way down. Some even managed to escape his lips and slide down his neck, glistening like morning dew as it slid over his bobbing Adam's apple. He pulled the bottle away, almost against his own will, but he needed to breathe. He gulped down the air greedily, hissing and panting. He just couldn't get a grip on reality, but, at the same time, he really didn't want to. There was nothing in this reality that Dean wanted to live for.

Sam was gone. Where, Dean had no idea. He had tried every one of Sam's numbers, though most would either lead him to the trunk of the Impala or they wouldn't ring at all. It was driving Dean mad and making him not think straight. Sammy had always been the brains and when Dean needed him most he was nowhere to be found. And of course he blamed himself. If he just hadn't told Sam about the mysterious shadow that had escaped his dreams and followed them everywhere, maybe Sam would still be here. Boy, did Dean need him here…

Dean gripped the rectangular bottle hard, hoping against all odds that this was all a dream. That he was about to wake up and Sammy would be there in the next bed over, resting peacefully. But Dean didn't wake up from this. He hadn't for the past week and knew he would never wake up from this since every time he closed and then opened his eyes there was no Sam to be seen. Not until he found Sam himself would this all be over, and when he found that shadow creature he was going to rip it apart.

He pushed the bottle to his lips once more and downed the rest of the alcohol, grunting as he threw the glass across the room. It shattered, sending rainbow sparkles around the room. Dean slumped into the wooden kitchen chair, its legs scraping the tile floor. He rested his forehead on his fingers, trying to get his mind to wander. But it just kept coming back to the same topics: Where was Sam? What was happening to him? Where was Cas? What was so Goddamn important that he was ignoring him? He gritted his teeth and clenched his jaw. All this negativity was really beginning to get to him. As great as he was at hiding his emotions, it still got to him. He usually ended up doing something stupid and hurting himself in the process.

Dean was actually contemplating the next dumb thing he could do. He wasn't quite Castiel status in drinking a whole liquor store, but he definitely had binged and drank too much. He had gone through at least three to five bottle of liquor a day this week and threw it up more often than not. And we're not talking sissy shooters either, whole handles of liquor. He chugged one down for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and then some. Sure, he ate his usual burgers, but they were bland. Really, they tasted like nothing. Worse than nothing, like cardboard. He felt no joy in eating his favorite foods and beer did nothing to touch his thirst. He knew nothing would make him feel better until he found Sam.

He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't hear the rusting of wings behind him.


	2. Chapter 2: Here

Castiel's hand fell upon Dean's shoulder. "Dean," he growled, "I believe that's enough…"

Dean stood and pivoted quickly, slapping Castiel's hand away. "Don't you dare tell me that!" He tilted slightly, beginning to feel the effects of all the liquor he drank. Dean held himself upright, supporting himself on the chair. "You… you haven't even been here!"

Castiel sighed. "No, I haven't, and I'm sorry Dean. I've been trying to… to track down this shadow creature… It's not easy…" The angel reached out his hand once more just to have it slapped away again. Castiel clenched his jaw, but soon relaxed. He couldn't even start to comprehend what Dean was feeling. It was hard enough dealing with his own feelings for Dean. Yes, he also loved Sam, but in a different way.

Dean shoved his shoulder into Castiel's, pushing the angel aside. He ran a hand through his hair as he paced in the small space of the hotel room. He sniffled and tried to fight back the tears that stung his eyes. His mind could only think about his brother. Was Sammy even still alive? It was beginning to drive the older brother crazy. He sank onto the bed, elbows on his knees, and heels of his hands digging into his eyes. He tried to breathe evenly, but the sadness was washing over him and drowning out everything else. "C-Cas… what if he's—" Dean choked out.

Castiel sighed heavily, going over to Dean's side. He tentatively placed a hand on the man's shoulder, hoping it would help to calm him. "Dean… he's alive… I can… I can feel him… I… know…" The angel still had no idea how to really comfort Dean since he was all over the place. One minute he was sad and needy, the next angry and would lash out at anything that moved. The angel's blue eyes were tinged with sadness, yet his mind was blank.

Dean heaved a sigh, finally, shoulders rising and falling with much effort. He pulled his face away from his hands, one single tear glistening down his cheek. Castiel could not help but wipe it away. Dean's stubble felt so rough, even against the angel's imperfect hand. Castiel slipped his hand under Dean's ear, letting it rest there. They stayed like that for what seemed an eternity to Cas. He didn't want to move either, but Dean's eyes seemed glazed over for some reason. It was so hard to read the human…

Dean pulled his face away, running his hand and arm under his nose. He sniffled a bit more before standing and walking over to the kitchen table to grab his keys. Castiel's eyebrows flew up and he was soon grabbing Dean's wrist.

"Dean, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to get something more to drink, Cas."

"Dean… I really don't think that's a good—"

"Cas! You can't stop me," Dean snapped, ripping his hand free of the angel's grip.

"Dean!" Castiel hissed, slamming the door shut as Dean began to open it.

Dean turned quickly to Castiel, slamming the angel's back into the wall. The window vibrated with the impact, Dean also punching the wall to the side of Cas' head. His eyes were cloudy and his mind full of bad thoughts. His judgement was definitely off. "Cas, I swear…" his spat, leaning close. "I will beat the crap out of you if you don't stay out of my way."

Castiel stood his ground, not at all afraid of Dean's behavior. He had been dealing with this since he first met Dean as an adult. "If it keep you here," Castiel challenged, moving his face forward so their noses almost touched. Cas may not be good at reading Dean's intentions, but he knew more alcohol would not help. It never helped, actually.

Dean gritted his teeth, green burning into blue. Dean wanted to kick Castiel's ass, yet he also wanted to just leave this be and go to bed. Their faces so close, other things ran through his mind as well, things that would, maybe, help him forget about the mess happening around him. But he also didn't want to risk those actions scaring off Castiel. The angel meant everything to him, no matter the fact that he never told him.

Castiel took a deep breath as he also took a huge chance. He raised his hand once more to Dean's face, running his thumb over the man's bottom lip. Cas help his breath as he waited for a reaction, only hoping Dean would not shove him to the ground and take off.

A shiver ran through Dean's body the moment Cas touched him. His eyes flashed with a hunger Castiel had not really seen before, though Dean was trying hard to fight off this urge. He'd fought it off for so many years now, it was almost second nature. Yet this angel had a certain effect over him and it bothered him. With all the years he had hidden these 'off' feeling from himself, his dad, Sammy. Yet Dean was convinced this angel could see deep inside him, deep inside his mind. He saw those feelings, read those thoughts.

"Fuck it," Dean whispered, pressing his lips against Castiel's.

Castiel's eyes opened wide. He hadn't quite expected that. Of all the things Cas thought Dean was going to do, this really was not on his list. Was Dean so drunk that he looked like a female? It took a moment before Dean pulled away, making Castiel gasp for air. As few times as Castiel had had sex, this was a first. This feeling. This confusion.

"I'm going to bed," Dean grumbled, slumping to the one bed, falling onto it, and burrowing himself under the sheets.

Castiel's eyes followed the man, yet he did not follow. He decided now was a decent time to leave.

Dean, under the blanket, brought his fingers to his lips. Hearing the rustle of wings, he knew Castiel had left. He only hoped the angel would return.


	3. Chapter 3: Kiss

Chapter Three

Kiss

Dean's eyes opened to the face of an angel before him. No, he wasn't dead, but it freaked him out enough that he quickly moved himself to the other side of the bed. He actually almost fell off the bed since the sheets shifted with him, but he was able to catch himself. He grabbed his shirt right over his heart, it beating quickly from the early morning scare. Castiel never did seem to understand personal space very well. Not that Dean ever really complained about it.

"Cas… uh… hey," the green eyed man mumbled as he shifted some more, facing the angel. He ran a hand through his hair not letting their eyes meet. _'Does Castiel… remember the kiss?'_ Dean moved his eyes to Castiel's face, but then quickly shot back down to the light blue comforter.

"Dean." Castiel finally replied. To Dean's relief he didn't sound angry. Slightly confused, if anything. Maybe even inquisitive. "About last night…"

"Cas, that was my fault. I'm… I'm sorry…"

"No, Dean… that kiss…"

There was an awkward silence between the two men. Dean shift uncomfortably, though Castiel just seemed to stay right where he was. Dean remembered the kiss, regardless of the fact that he had been plastered. Subconsciously Dean brought his fingers to his lips as he thought about the kiss, his mind wandering. It had been so weird, kissing Cas. He had tasted… Bacon. Meat. A sweetness like mayo. It was really disturbing. Dean knew Castiel never ate since angels didn't need to, nor did they like to. At least not when they have their grace.

Dean took a deep breath and let it out loudly. "Well… Cas… I don't know what to tell you…"

Castiel stood up from his squatting position and then moved onto the bed. He laid down on his side, facing Dean. There was still quite a bit of room between the pair since the bed was a queen. Dean still avoided Castiel's eyes though he could feel the angel's eyes burning into him. Dean would usually laugh situations like this off, but this seemed different. Either that or he would leave, but he needed Cas. Dean couldn't deny the tug he felt towards Castiel.

"Cas…" Dean cleared his throat, uncomfortable with what he was trying to ask. "Cas… what… what did I taste like to you? I mean, that's a weird question, but you tasted like a bacon cheeseburger and I mean one that was the best one I've ever had and it's just really weird—"

Castiel had raised a finger to Dean's lips to quiet the man. He had a kind smile that stretched his lips and wrinkled the corner of his eyes. Those blue eyes that Dean loved to drown himself in… "Dean… you… you taste like… Heaven…"

There was another long silence. Castiel kept his index finger on Dean's lips, making the dirty blond haired man quite uncomfortable. This whole day just seemed like it was going to bother Dean, but not in a way that made him upset just… felt off. Then again, the angel wasn't really used to physical relationships. He was always awkward and invaded peoples' personal space. It was usually funny, but at the moment is was discordant. It felt off, yet at the same time Dean didn't want Castiel to go away either.

Dean finally raised his hand to grab Castiel's and pull it away from his face. He sat there and held the angel's hand, however. His eyes were glued to their hands, one clasping the other. Castiel didn't seem to mind, though his smile seemed a bit sadder now and not as wide. It was more like the corners were slightly upturned. Dean shifted once more, bringing his other hand up to join the other two. He played with Castiel's fingers, his face growing warmer. "Y-your hands are really soft… I always thought they'd be more… rough…."

Castiel let out a soft chuckle. "Well, I like the rough feel of your hands," he whispered. It sent shivers up Dean's spine hearing Castiel's voice so soft. Green eyes met blue ones as Dean dared a glance up. Castiel's eyes were always so easy for Dean to read. Castiel had so little understanding of emotion that it was always all splayed across his face. Dean usually kept his face the same hard mask, though over the years with this angel and his brother it had softened. Only slightly.

"Hey… Cas… can I uh… Can…" Dean cleared his throat, "Can I kiss you again?"

Castiel seemed slightly shocked by that, his eyes widening. They soon were squinted as they angel smiled. "Of course, Dean."

Dean gripped the angel's chin, both bodies scooting closer to each other. Dean swallowed a lump in his throat, his mouth becoming dry. He was mostly trying to justify it as a way to see if Castiel tasted different each time. He had to mentally scold himself a bit as well for thinking that, but this was just so weird to him. Kissing another man… He felt the rough texture of growing hair on the angel's face. He could even feel the squared off jawline.

The blond took a deep breath before finally pushing his lips onto the brunette's. Castiel had closed his eyes, but Dean was going through a small amount of shock. _'He tastes like… cherry pie?!'_ Dean's mind was racing, not sure what to do next. This pie taste… it was amazing! Dean shut his eyes and plowed forward, shoving his tongue into the angel's mouth. Castiel's eyes snapped open then, not knowing Dean would do any more than kiss him. Not that the angel minded at all, it was actually nice. The few times he had had sex he enjoyed it. He was sure sex with Dean would be the most fulfilling.

Dean shoved a hand under Castiel's side, pulling the angel's body up to his own. The angel was so warm and smell of… home. Dean was getting drunk off the smells, tastes, and feelings. He could feel himself becoming aroused, yet he wasn't sure how far he should try and take this. The small part of his mind that was still working was telling him to slow down, to stop. Yet his body's urges were pushing him on, becoming greedy. He had slipped a hand up Castiel's shirt, feeling the smooth skin underneath. All this was becoming unbearable to the blond.

Dean pulled away from the kiss, breathing heavily. His eyes were glazed over with lust, though he was trying hard to contain himself. He put his forehead to Castiel's, trying to even his breathing. The angel's breath mixed with his, making Dean shuddering.

"Thanks Cas," Dean murmured, unable to do or say much else at the moment. He heard the angel chuckle and that made Dean smile a bit.


End file.
